Do you ever have one of those days where something as simple as asking your child to put on their shoes turns into a drawn-out battle of wills? We’ve all been there. But here’s the thing: what feels like a power struggle is often just a way for your child to express their need for some control.
The good news? There’s an easy strategy to help both of you: Offer choices, not commands.
Instead of saying, "Put on your shoes now," try something like, "Would you like to wear the red shoes or the blue ones today?" That small shift gives your child a sense of control. Neuroscience tells us that when kids feel like they have a say in what’s happening, the prefrontal cortex — the decision-making part of the brain — lights up. This reduces their natural resistance and helps them feel empowered, which leads to more cooperation and fewer standoffs.
Managing Your Own Calm
Let’s talk about you for a moment, too. We all know it’s not easy to stay calm when you’re in the middle of one of these moments. So how can you manage your emotions when your child is pushing your buttons?
Here’s a tip: before responding, take a deep breath — actually, take two. This small pause helps deactivate your body’s fight-or-flight response by sending a signal to the brain that it’s time to calm down. You’ll be surprised how much clearer your thinking becomes with just a few seconds of deep breathing.
By taking a moment to breathe and offering choices instead of commands, not only will your child feel more in control, but you’ll also feel more centered and less reactive. It’s a win-win. You’ll notice fewer battles over the small stuff and more calm in your household overall. And when you stay calm, your child is likely to mirror your emotional state, making it even easier to guide them through challenging moments.
The Power of Small Changes
This simple hack can make a world of difference in your day-to-day routine. It’s quick, easy, and backed by science — and isn’t that exactly what we need as parents?
If you know another parent or caregiver who could use this tip, feel free to share this blog with them! Let’s help each other out by spreading these practical, real-life parenting hacks.
Wishing you a calmer week ahead,
Dr. Renea
P.S. For more parenting hacks and tips, follow me on social media HERE and check back each Tuesday for fresh content related to parenting.
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