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The Mental Load: The Invisible Weight Women Carry

Writer's picture: Dr. Renea SkeltonDr. Renea Skelton

A woman stressed with responsibilities.

It was a random Tuesday evening when I realized just how heavy the mental load can be. Dinner was simmering on the stove, my kids were chatting with me about their day and upcoming plans, and my phone buzzed with reminders about an upcoming meeting.


Meanwhile, my mind was juggling tomorrow’s to-do list, a school project one of my kids mentioned at the last minute, and my own clients’ needs. My husband, bless him, was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone, blissfully unaware of the invisible checklist running through my head.


In that moment, I felt both resentment and exhaustion. Not because he wasn’t helping, but because the sheer management of it all - the remembering, the planning, the anticipating - fell squarely on me. And here’s the kicker: I see this same story play out with so many women I coach and talk to. We’re not just handling tasks; we’re carrying the mental load of making sure everyone else’s world keeps spinning.


What Is the Mental Load?


The mental load is the cognitive effort of managing the logistics of life. It’s keeping track of what’s running low in the pantry, knowing when the next doctor’s appointment is, and remembering to sign up for that parent-teacher conference - all while doing your job, caring for your family, and attempting to take care of yourself.


It’s a silent, constant weight that many women bear without acknowledgment or shared responsibility. It’s not just physical tasks; it’s the emotional labor of holding space for everyone else’s needs, emotions, and expectations.


Why Does It Feel So Overwhelming?


Our brains are designed to handle a finite amount of cognitive tasks. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, planning, and prioritizing, can become overwhelmed when inundated with too much information. Think of it like an overworked muscle - it’s bound to fatigue.


When women - who often shoulder the brunt of caregiving and household management - pile on an endless to-do list, the brain remains in a heightened state of stress. This triggers the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, which, over time, can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and burnout. And let’s be real - this stress doesn’t just affect your mind; it takes a toll on your body. Chronic stress can manifest as headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and even more serious health conditions.


Why Is This Still Happening in 2025?


Despite progress in gender roles and workplace equality, societal expectations often frame women as the default caregivers. And many of us fall into the trap of thinking, If I don’t do it, who will? It’s not just about external pressures; it’s also internal - a deep-rooted belief that our worth is tied to how much we can handle.


But let me tell you something: Your worth is not measured by how many plates you can spin without breaking.


How to Lighten the Mental Load


I’m not going to pretend there’s a quick fix, but there are actionable steps you can take to manage the mental load and create space for your own well-being. These aren’t just theories - these are strategies I’ve implemented in my own life and shared with many women who, like you, are doing their best to keep it all together.


1. Delegate and Let Go of Control


One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s okay if things aren’t done exactly the way I would do them. Delegating means trusting others to take ownership - whether it’s your partner handling dinner or your kids managing their own chores. Remember, perfection is overrated, and your mental peace is priceless.


2. Prioritize and Simplify


Instead of trying to do it all, focus on what truly matters. Breaking tasks into smaller, actionable steps reduces overwhelm and boosts dopamine, the feel-good hormone. Write down your top three priorities for the day and let the rest wait.


3. Set Boundaries


Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re necessary. Say no to commitments that don’t align with your values or stretch you too thin. Practice this simple sentence: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m unable to take that on right now.”


4. Create Mental Downtime


Your brain needs breaks. Incorporate mindfulness practices, like deep breathing or meditation, to reset your nervous system. Even five minutes of focused breathing can lower cortisol levels and help you feel more grounded.


5. Communicate Openly


Many of us assume our partners or family members know what we need, but often, they don’t. Have an honest conversation about redistributing responsibilities. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blame: “I feel overwhelmed when I’m managing everything. Can we work together to divide these tasks?”


The Hard Truth: What’s Stopping You?


Here’s the part you may not want to hear: The only thing stopping you from lightening your mental load is you. Yes, there are societal pressures and ingrained habits, but at the end of the day, you have the power to say, Enough. You have to get real with yourself. Are you holding onto control because you’re afraid of letting go? Are you avoiding difficult conversations because it’s easier to keep doing everything yourself?


Your body cannot sustain the constant stress of carrying it all. You owe it to yourself - and your loved ones - to let go of the belief that you have to be everything for everyone.


A Personal Shift


That Tuesday evening was a wake-up call for me. I realized that while I’d been silently managing everything, I wasn’t asking for help. So, I did something that felt uncomfortable but necessary: I sat down with my husband and kids and explained how I was feeling. We created a plan to share responsibilities, and while it’s not perfect, it’s a step toward lightening my mental load.


Now, when I see my friends struggling with the same weight, I remind them of this: You don’t have to do it all. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to rest. And most importantly, you are still enough, no matter how much you cross off your to-do list.


Let’s Change the Conversation


The mental load isn’t just a women’s issue; it’s a societal one. By acknowledging it, talking about it, and taking action, we can create a culture where women feel supported, not stretched thin.


👉 If you’re ready to take that first step in lightening your load, let’s talk. Schedule a free 30-min Zoom chat with me today, and together to learn how I can help you create a plan to align your life with what truly matters. You deserve this. Let’s make it happen.



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Guest
Jan 17
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

What a great blog! I'm so happy I discovered it.

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Dr. Renea
Feb 08
Replying to

That means so much - thank you! I’m glad you found it and hope it brings you insight, laughter, and a little extra encouragement. Excited to have you here!

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