The 6 Points of Connection You Might Be Missing (And How to Get Them Back)
- Dr. Renea Skelton
- Jul 19
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 24
Let me start with a truth I know deep in my bones: the loneliest people aren’t always alone.
They’re often surrounded - by coworkers, family, noise, and endless notifications - and still feel empty. I’ve been there too. And when I read this recent article from the Greater Good Science Center, it put words to something I’ve sensed for years in my own life and in my work with women:
We’re hungry for real connection, but we’re often feeding on crumbs.
The article outlines six essential points of connection that every human needs to thrive - not just survive. And spoiler: they’re not the kinds of things you can check off with a like or a quick DM. Let’s talk about what they actually look like in a world that’s over-scheduled, over-filtered, and undernourished emotionally.
The Six Points of Connection (and Why They Matter)
According to the research, here are the six points of connection we all need to feel whole:
Feeling seen and understood
Feeling safe
Feeling soothed
Feeling valued
Feeling like you matter
Belonging to something bigger than yourself
These are more than warm-fuzzy ideas. They’re rooted in neuroscience. When we experience these kinds of emotional connection, our brains release oxytocin (the bonding chemical), which reduces cortisol (the stress hormone). That means lower anxiety, more self-worth, and greater resilience. Literally.
But when those points are missing? That’s when disconnection creeps in. We may still show up on the outside, but we’re withering inside.
And the truth? Most of us are missing at least three - sometimes all six.
Where Are Your Points of Connection?
Take a second to reflect.
Do you have people who see you beyond your to-do list?
Is there someone who helps regulate your emotions when you're spiraling?
Do you feel valued even when you’re not “doing”?
I’ve asked myself these same questions, especially during seasons where I looked “fine” on the outside but felt completely drained. One of those times was after my brain tumor diagnosis and surgery. I had people around me, but I didn’t always feel connected.
What I learned was this: connection doesn’t happen by default. It takes intention. It takes safe spaces. And sometimes, it takes courage to admit you’re missing something and go seek it out.
Women Are Especially Missing This
Let’s be honest - women are the emotional glue in so many spaces. We’re the ones checking in, caring for, holding things together. But too often, we aren’t on the receiving end of that same care.
We put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list, and we settle for “fine” friendships that don’t really nourish us. We tell ourselves we’re being selfish if we want more. But we’re not.
You’re not needy for craving connection. You’re human.
And that’s why I created RealWomen Connect™ - to be a space where women can practice being seen, supported, and surrounded by women who get it. Women who don’t want to fake it. Women who want real friendship, not filtered perfection.
Inside the community, you’ll find places where every single one of those six points of connection is nurtured - whether it’s in a vulnerable post in the Lounge, a mindset win in one of our Rooms, or a live coaching session where someone finally says “me too.”
How to Rebuild the Points of Connection
If you’re realizing, “Wow… I’m missing some of these,” I want you to know: you can rebuild them.
Here’s a starting place:
Name it. Which of the six points are missing for you right now?
Notice your patterns. Are you only giving connection but never receiving it?
Nurture the spaces that make you feel safe. Don’t over-explain your needs - lean into the people who get it.
Say yes to new connection. Sometimes it starts by stepping into a space you’ve never tried before.
Try RealWomen Connect™ Free for a Month
If you’re craving more meaningful connection - the kind that’s rooted in neuroscience and real life - I’d love to invite you to try RealWomen Connect™.
You can join today and get your first month of General Membership totally free. Come explore the rooms. Join a live call. Be part of a conversation that fills, not drains.
You don’t need to perform.
You don’t need to be fixed.
You need a space that says, “We see you. We value you. You matter.”
Come reconnect with what you’ve been missing. We’re saving a seat for you.
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