YOU'RE NOT
OVERREACTING.
YOU'RE OVER-EXPLAINING.
You said what you meant. Then explained it.
Defended it. Explained the explanation.
And three hours later you're still replaying the whole
conversation wondering why you said so damn much.
You don't need better words.
You need to know when to stop.
You already said it.
So why are you still
explaining it?
You explained what happened.
They didn’t agree.
So you explained it better.
Then differently.
Then with an example.
Then you started defending
why you were explaining it in
the first place.
Congratulations.
You’re in a tug-of-war.
What are you trying
to get from them?
Sometimes the argument isn’t really about
what you’re arguing about.
You’re pulling because you need them to...
You can't drop it until you know
what you're holding onto.
You don't have to get them there.
You don’t have to make them understand.
You don’t have to explain it one more time.
You don’t have to prove you meant well, convince them
you’re right, or keep talking until they finally see it your way.
You can feel what you feel.
Say what you need to say.
And let their reaction belong to them.
That's when the conversation changes.
Stopping isn't giving in.
It's realizing you're pulling.
You don't need their permission to put the rope down.
Dropping the rope doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It doesn’t mean they’re right.
And it sure as hell doesn’t mean you suddenly feel fine about what happened.
It means you stop making your peace dependent on what they say next.
Catch yourself pulling before you’re six explanations deep.
Figure out what the rope actually is and why you’re holding onto it.
Know what to say when the conversation starts turning into a tug-of-war.
Stop chasing the response you think you need from them.
Put the damn rope down without spending the next three hours wondering if you should pick it back up.
Say what needs to be said.
Know when you are done.
Because I've pulled
the damn rope, too.
I know what it’s like to walk away from a conversation and keep having it long after the other person has moved on.
Replaying it. Rewording it. Thinking of what I should’ve said. Wondering if one more explanation would’ve finally made them understand.
Spoiler: it usually wouldn’t.
I wrote Drop the Rope because I wanted something more useful than “just let it go.”
Because sometimes you can’t let it go yet. First, you have to figure out what you’re holding onto. And then learn how to put it down.
"I felt like she was
in my head."
REAL LEADERS. REAL CONVERSATIONS. REAL CHANGE.
Drop the Rope is such a relatable book. I swear the author had me in mind when she wrote most of these chapters. It's a great read and an easy read. Buy it today.I bought 5 books to give as gifts to people I know need to Drop the Rope.
Lisa F.
While reading this book I found myself saying “oh I’ve been there” or “ooo I need to do that." It's full of relatable situations that everyone has experienced one way or another. The advice given helped me give myself permission to “drop the rope” and I can’t tell you how helpful this book has been. It’s a quick read but full of lots of information.Highly recommend reading!
Very insightful book! I knew there was a name for those times when I felt myself getting pulled into a "tug-of-war" with certain people. Many times, it's just not worth the energy, and Dr. Renea's book shines a light on why we do this, how to stop doing it, and the exact words to say when someone else keeps pulling. Highly recommend this to anyone--not just overexplainers--wanting to communicate in a clear and grounded way so that you can keep your peace.
Kelcie W.
Amber J.
Turns out, a lot of us have
been holding the rope.
You're finally learning what to do with it.
The question is whether you're ready to drop it.
You can keep explaining. Replaying.
Trying one more time to make them understand.
Or you can learn when you’ve said enough.
Say what needs to be said Know when you're done. Drop the rope.
